Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Farmhouse Awaits in Enschede!
Escape to Paradise (Maybe): A Totally Honest Review of "Your Dream Farmhouse" in Enschede
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because this review of "Escape to Paradise" in Enschede is going to be… well, chaotic, just like my last vacation. Seriously, I thought I was booking a blissful escape, but let’s just say reality, as always, had other plans. This is my warts-and-all, stream-of-conscious take, so grab a cuppa (complimentary, I hope!) and let's dive in.
First Impressions & the Accessibility Angle (or Lack Thereof):
Right, so the "dream farmhouse" promised a fairytale…and I was stoked! I needed a break. My partner, bless his cotton socks, has some mobility issues. So, Accessibility was high on my list. The website said they had facilities. Technically, they had an elevator. But the pathways? Honey, they were paved with the best intentions and uneven cobblestones. Not ideal, to say the least. The elevator itself was… well, let's call it "compact." My partner and his scooter barely squeezed in. Honestly, navigating the grounds felt like an Olympic sport for us. There was a tiny ramp here and a slight gradient there, but let's just say the “Facilities for disabled guests” felt a tad, shall we say, optimistic. This one needs a serious revamp.
Rooms & Comforts: The Good, the Okay, and the “Wait, Where’s My Blackout Curtain?”
The room itself? Ah, yes. The promised paradise. The Air conditioning was a godsend, honestly. I'm talking scorching August heat. And the Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! Thank the internet gods! I needed to work… ahem… stay in touch with the outside world. The Internet [LAN] was also available if you're into that. And hey, Internet access – wireless too! Bonus points for internet options!
Now for the less rosy bits. Remember those Blackout curtains I mentioned? Yeah, I specifically look for those to block out the morning sun. We got… not exactly blackout curtains. More like "dim-out" curtains. I woke up at dawn every single day. My own fault, I guess - should have brought a sleep mask. The Bathroom phone? I'm assuming that’s for emergencies? Thankfully, no emergencies arose, so I can't report on its functionality. The Coffee/tea maker was a blessing. Essential on this crazy adventure. Free bottled water? Yes! Crucial after navigating the (in)accessible pathways. The Seating area was comfy, though let’s not get started on the carpet stain… I swear, it looked like someone had a very dramatic spaghetti dinner. The Extra long bed was fantastic. Much needed after all the hiking. We also had a Refrigerator, which was useful for stashing some snacks and drinks.
Cleanliness, Safety, and Feeling Safe (ish):
Okay, let's be real. I'm a hygiene freak, always wiping down surfaces with my own supply of Hand sanitizer. The hotel seemed to be taking things seriously with the Anti-viral cleaning products and Rooms sanitized between stays. I saw people cleaning everywhere, all the time. That's a good sign, right? They also had Daily disinfection in common areas. They also had a First aid kit - always a plus when you're prone to tripping on uneven cobblestones. The Fire extinguisher in the hallway? Reassuring. The CCTV in common areas and CCTV outside property made me feel a bit more secure. Good job on the safety front!
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: A Rollercoaster of Flavors (and Frustrations):
Ah, food. My other great love. Let's start with the good: the Breakfast [buffet]. It was pretty decent. A very solid Western breakfast indeed. They had an Asian breakfast option as well, but I wasn't brave enough. The eggs were cooked perfectly. The coffee was… well, it was coffee. It was there.
The A la carte in restaurant menu offered some tempting options. I was especially excited about the Desserts in restaurant. The International cuisine in restaurant was varied. However, service was… well, let's say it was "relaxed." One morning, we waited an hour for our coffee. An hour! I started to question my life choices. The Poolside bar looked inviting (more on that later), but the drinks were wildly expensive. And the Snack bar? Limited options. I ended up living on… well, let’s not go there. I will say, if you like soup, you're in luck: Soup in restaurant.
Ways to Relax (and Fail): The Spa Debacle
Okay, this is where things went south. Big time. The website promised bliss. I was dreaming of a Body scrub, a Massage, the whole shebang. The Spa/Sauna sounded amazing, but the reality? Under construction. Yes, you read that right. Spa? Closed. The Steamroom, the Gym/fitness, Foot bath… all unavailable. Someone really needed to update the website!
Amenities and Services: A Mixed Bag:
Okay, let's be honest, my partner and I needed some help. I love my dude, but his scooter… The Car park [free of charge] was genuinely excellent. The Concierge was helpful when we needed assistance. I used the Laundry service, and they did a decent job, although it wasn't cheap. The Doorman was always polite and helpful. The Elevator was a mixed blessing - it was there, but still… Then there's the other things! Air conditioning in public area? Good. Daily housekeeping? Excellent. Dry cleaning? Saved my bacon after an unfortunate incident with red wine.
For the Kids/Family-Friendliness (I Wouldn't Know, But…):
I am not a parent. I don’t know. They had Babysitting service and Kids meal, so that's something, I guess!
Getting Around (and the Car Park Miracle):
Okay, the Car park [free of charge] was a saving grace. Finding parking in Enschede can be a nightmare. The Car power charging station? Not that I have an electric car. The Taxi service was available, but expensive. We mostly stuck with our own trusty vehicle.
The Verdict: Paradise… Eventually?
So, would I “Escape to Paradise” again? Maybe. Maybe not. It depends on what you're looking for. It depends on whether you're prepared for a little (or a lot!) of chaos. It depends on whether you can overlook the imperfections and focus on the good bits.
Here's the deal: It’s a beautiful location with a lot of potential. If you're looking for a relaxing holiday where the spa wasn't under construction, the accessibility was truly accessible. If you're looking for a place, where dreams become reality, Escape to Paradise may become one of the best and most unforgettable adventures. For me? The view from the Pool with view was fantastic. The food was mostly delicious. The staff were, for the most part, lovely. It just needs a little… refinement. And maybe a seriously honest website update. But hey, at the end of the day, I escaped. And that, my friends, is what matters. Now, where's that coffee? (And preferably, a blackout curtain. Just saying.)
Escape to Luxury: Your Dream Villa Awaits in Medebach's Ski Paradise!
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because this ain't your grandma's meticulously planned spreadsheet of itineraries. This is a trip to a Quaint Farmhouse in Enschede, Netherlands, filtered through the glorious, chaotic filter of my brain. Let's get this show on the road… or, well, to the farmhouse.
Day 1: Arrival and Utter Bewilderment (plus, the Terrace!)
- Morning (ish): Land in Amsterdam. Okay, I landed. Let's be honest, the flight was a blur of dry airplane air and questionable peanuts. Found the train station, which, frankly, was a labyrinth. Seriously, the Dutch seem to have a secret map of tunnels and hidden passages. Thought I was going to end up in a cheese factory.
- Afternoon: Finally, finally, I emerge blinking into the daylight, train-bound for Enschede. The countryside whizzed by – charming, yes, but also… a bit green. Like, lots and lots of green. Starting to feel a bit homesick, but then the train was late.
- Evening: Arrive in Enschede. Find the Quaint Farmhouse. (Which, by the way, should be renamed "Perfectly Instagrammable Farmhouse," because, DAMN.) But! Here's the kicker: the key situation. Had a whole "lost luggage" moment even though it was just me. Had to call the host, whose name I'm still pretty sure I mispronounced. They were VERY patient. Finally, I'm IN. The terrace… ah, the terrace! Pure, unadulterated joy. Sat there, drinking a local beer (Grolsch, naturally) that tasted like liquid sunshine, and just… breathed. This is what I needed. This is GOOD. Then spilled beer on my only good t-shirt. Sigh.
- Night: Ate some cheese and bread (because, Netherlands) on the terrace under a sky full of stars, listening to the faint sounds of… cows? Am I really in the countryside now? Still slightly bewildered but also, surprisingly, at peace. Also, mosquito bites. Lots of them.
Day 2: Trying to Be a Local (with mixed results)
- Morning: "Local" breakfast! Okay, by local, I mean a bakery I found nearby. I attempted to order a "broodje" using my fragmented Dutch. The baker looked at me like I'd sprouted a second head. Ended up pointing and gesturing frantically. Got a delicious bread roll thing, though, so win! Afterwards, took a walk, and discovered a cute little canal scene. Took approximately a thousand photos. Regretting not brushing up on my photography skills, and on my Dutch.
- Afternoon: Bike ride! Rented a truly magnificent Dutch bicycle with all the bells and whistles (literally, it had bells). Decided to be brave and try to navigate. Was nearly run over by a flock of… geese? More bewildered, but at the moment, I'm just very, very sore. Managed to find a quiet little park, though. Just me, the geese (and the bruises), and the sound of the wind in the trees.
- Evening: Decided to attempt to cook. Disaster. Burnt the potatoes. Set off the smoke alarm (again). Ate the questionable remains of my culinary efforts on the terrace. It was a culinary crime. I called it "rustic." Finished the day with a book and a glass of wine, contemplating my cooking skills. The farmhouse is holding up well.
- Night: Trying to find a Dutch song to sleep. Found a radio station. Listened to the end for two hours. I was exhausted.
Day 3: Doubling Down on… the Terrace!
- Morning: Woke up from the sun. Ah, the sun! Spent a ridiculous amount of time just staring at the terrace. This is the life, I thought. I actually think I might have found inner peace, or maybe that's just the beer.
- Afternoon: Spent the better half of the afternoon reading a book, drinking tea, and watching the clouds drift by. Took a nap. Woke up feeling even more rested. The terrace is where I belong.
- Evening: Decide to try a proper barbecue. This time, the potatoes almost burned. The meat was slightly charred but at the end, the day was perfect.
- Night: More stargazing, more wine. Concluding: the terrace is not just good, it's essential. This trip is all about the terrace. The farmhouse is great, but the terrace? The terrace is my heaven. I love the terrace.
Day 4: Culture! (Probably)
- Morning: Decided to be cultural! Visited a local museum! Or, well, I tried. Got lost in the maze-like streets of Enschede. Found a coffee shop, which I definitely needed. Then gave up on the museum and went for another walk.
- Afternoon: Explored a local market. The colors! The smells! The overwhelming number of things I wanted to buy but couldn't fit in my suitcase! Bargained (badly) for a souvenir. Feel like I'm still learning about bartering.
- Evening: Went to a pub, which, I think, counts as culture? Had a beer with the locals. Attempted to converse in my terrible Dutch. They were amused. Laughing at me for the wrong reasons.
- Night: Back to (drumroll please) the terrace. This time with a local beer and a new book. The cycle begins again.
Day 5: Departure and Existential Dread
- Morning: Woke up, looked at the terrace one last time. Felt a pang of sadness. Packing is the worst. Saying goodbye to the terrace is even worse.
- Afternoon: Headed back to the train station, feeling a weird mix of melancholy and relief. On the train, I realized I hadn't seen half the things I intended to. But I had spent quality time with the terrace. And honestly, that's all that mattered.
- Evening: Flight home. The plane ride was quiet this time, maybe because I've slept enough.
- Night: A terrible night in my bed, as I missed the terrace already. The End. (Or, the beginning of the next adventure, with more terrace time guaranteed.)
So there you have it. My very un-curated, slightly messy, but utterly heartfelt account of a trip to a Dutch farmhouse. Was it perfect? Absolutely not. Was it memorable? Heck yes. And the terrace? Well, the terrace was everything. I'll be back. The terrace and I will be reunited.
Escape to Your German Dream: Terrace Apartment in Morbach Awaits!
Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Farmhouse Awaits in Enschede! - FAQs (and My Ramblings!)
Okay, Seriously, Where *IS* This Paradise in Enschede? I'm imagining rolling hills. Am I right?
Alright, alright, don't come charging in here expecting some pristine, postcard-perfect countryside. It's *close* to Enschede. Think... a bit out. Let's just say, you'll need a car (or a very enthusiastic bike) to get groceries. Rolling hills? Well, maybe some gentler slopes. The "paradise" is more in the feeling, you know? That sense of quiet, the space to *breathe*.
I remember the *first* time I went. My GPS was glitching, the music in the car suddenly stopped (worst fear), and a flock of sheep just stared disapprovingly at me. Not exactly idyllic, but hey, that's life, right? And then... I turned a corner and saw it. The farmhouse. And I was like, "Okay, maybe this is *it*." (Spoiler: It was. Mostly.)
What's This Farmhouse Actually *Like*? Is it as Charming as the Pictures? (Be Honest!)
The pictures... they're good. Let's just say, Instagram is a powerful tool. And yes, it's charming! It *is*. But charming with a capital "C" and a healthy dose of "needs some TLC." There are those gorgeous exposed beams, the cozy fireplace, the big windows that let in the LIGHT. But there's also the slight draft from the ancient windows (layers!), the occasional creaky floorboard that wakes the dead (literally, pretty sure I hear my grandpa), and the fact that the oven is a bit… temperamental. (Don’t even get me started on the dishwasher!)
I'm pretty sure one of the previous owners was a hoarder (or just really, really loved old furniture). Finding treasures in the attic is part of the fun, though. I once found a suitcase with a whole collection of postcards from the 1950s. Talk about history!
Do I Need to Be a Farmer to Live There? Or at least, a semi-pro gardener?
Haha! NO! You absolutely do *not* need to be a farmer. Unless, of course, you *want* to be. There's a garden, yes. It's a pretty decent size but let's be real, I’m *not* a gardener. I try to plant some herbs and maybe a tomato plant or two (mostly failures tbh). I swear, the slugs are my number one enemy. I spend more time swearing at them than actually gardening. I dream of having a lush vegetable patch, but my reality is… weeds. Lots and lots of weeds. Luckily, the neighbor has some chickens. They are not the most helpful, but cute. So that's something.
Maybe you can be a semi-pro gardener. Just set your mind on it!
What About Internet? (Because Let's Face It, We Can't Live Without It.)
Okay, this is a crucial question. Internet. It exists. That's a win. It's not *blazing* fast. Think… "moderately reliable." Streaming a movie? Possible, with some buffering. Zoom calls? Prepare for the occasional freeze-frame moment. (My boss is going to kill me. Again.)
The internet provider is some local company, and they're probably a little… behind the times. But it's the price you pay for *space*, people! And the silence. The *sweet, sweet* silence (mostly). Just don't expect fibre optics anytime soon. But a nice cup of tea and a good book? Yes, please!
Is it Lonely Out There? I'm a Social Butterfly, you know...
Listen, I'm a city girl through and through. I needed to see other people, so I went to the closest neighbor. Yes, it can feel a little isolated at first. But honestly? That’s part of the appeal for ME. I LOVE the silence. I *thrive* without the constant hum of the city. It forced me to slow down, take a breath, and actually… appreciate the quiet.
But there's a small village nearby, with a pub and surprisingly good food (don't tell anyone, it's a secret!). There are also other farms around, so there are occasional neighbors… Mostly lovely people, really. And the city is within a reasonable driving distance – you're not completely cut off from civilization, just… a little distanced. At first, I wanted more people around. But it’s all a trade-off, isn't it? Just take baby steps
What are the downsides? Besides temperamental ovens.
Okay, downsides. There *are* some. Besides the oven. And the occasional power outage during a storm (candles are your friend!). The internet (already mentioned). The long drives for... well, anything. The fact that winter in the Netherlands can be... long. And cold. And wet. And did I mention the damp? (Pro-tip: Invest in a dehumidifier!)
And let's be honest, sometimes, when you're alone, in a creaky old farmhouse, at 3 am... you *do* start to wonder if that noise was the wind... or something else.
But even with all that... It's worth it. Absolutely, completely worth it.
So, would you recommend it? Honestly.
YES. A resounding YES! But let me be clear: This isn't for everyone. You need to be prepared to be a *little* flexible, embrace the imperfections, and learn to love the sound of the wind (or the creaking floorboards). You need to be self-sufficient, a bit of a DIY enthusiast (or at least, willing to learn).
But if you're looking for somewhere to escape the noise, the chaos, the endless demands of modern life… where you can reconnect with yourself and nature, and where the air smells clean and the stars shine brighter... then yes. Absolutely. Escape to Paradise might just be exactly what you're looking for. Just... bring a good book (and a working oven mitt!). And maybe some extra layers.
