Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Pool Home in Monplaisant, France Awaits!
Monplaisant Bliss or Buyer Beware? My Unfiltered Take on "Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Pool Home in Monplaisant, France Awaits!"
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because I just got back from a trip to “Escape to Paradise” in Monplaisant, France, and let me tell you, it was… an experience. The marketing boasts a dream pool home, and well, they’re not entirely wrong. But paradise? Let's just say it's a slightly complicated relationship.
First things first: the name. “Escape to Paradise” sets the bar high. I had visions of effortlessly gliding through a gilded existence, you know? Turns out, escaping to anywhere is often a logistical ballet of luggage wrangling and jet lag.
Accessibility & Safety: Trying to Relax (and Not Trip!)
Okay, so let’s get the practical stuff out of the way. Accessibility is there, but it’s not flawless. The website touted "Facilities for disabled guests," and there's an elevator which is great, but navigating some of the common areas felt a little wonky if you're relying on a wheelchair. The exterior corridors are gorgeous, with all this lush landscaping, but even I, with two perfectly functioning legs, almost ate it a few times on the uneven cobblestones. And the “exterior corridor” itself felt a bit exposed, even with the CCTV in common areas and outside the property. Security is supposed to be 24-hour, but let’s just say I didn't feel totally secure.
The good news? The hotel is serious about cleanliness! They’ve got all the "cleanliness and safety" boxes ticked: anti-viral cleaning products, daily disinfection in common areas, individually-wrapped food options (thank goodness, because I hate sharing my croissants!), and staff trained in safety protocol. The "Rooms sanitized between stays" definitely felt reassuring. Plus, they've got a First aid kit – which, frankly, I needed after my cobblestone near-miss! And don't even get me started on the hand sanitizer – a lifesaver!
Internet: Praying to the Wi-Fi Gods
Okay, the Wi-Fi situation. Look, I’m a digital nomad wanna-be. I need my internet. They boast "Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!" and "Internet access – wireless." But let me tell you, the Wi-Fi was about as reliable as my ability to speak fluent French (spoiler alert: it's nonexistent). I’m talking buffering, dropped connections, the whole nine yards. There's also "Internet [LAN]," but who even uses that anymore? A little less than paradise if you're trying to, you know, work.
The "Things to Do" & "Ways to Relax" - A Sensory Overload (In a Good Way!)
Here's where things get interesting. The sheer volume of options almost gave me decision paralysis.
Spa & Wellness: Oh man, this is where I spent most of my time. The Spa is legit! The Pool with a view? Stunning! They have a sauna, a steamroom, and even a foot bath. I opted for a Body scrub and nearly melted into oblivion. The Massage was pure bliss – although my masseuse kept humming French opera. It was weird, but also, strangely, relaxing. My main regret? Not trying the Body wrap!
Fitness Fantasies: They’ve got a Fitness Center and a Gym/fitness. I, uh, looked at them. Briefly. More of a “lounging by the pool” kind of gal, if you catch my drift.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: The Food Coma is Real
Good lord. The food. Where do I even begin? They really mean it when they say "Dining, drinking, and snacking." It's a food fest.
- Restaurants Galore: There are Restaurants, plural! The A la carte in restaurant was a treat, but the Breakfast [buffet]? Honestly, it was a bit overwhelming at times… so much choice! I may or may not have accidentally eaten an entire plate of croissants. And the Poolside bar was my happy place, especially during Happy hour. I mean, come on!
- Cuisine Cravings: I went to the Vegetarian restaurant (I'm trying to be good!) and they have Asian cuisine as well as Western cuisine. The International cuisine in restaurant offered even more variety.
- Other Treats: They've got a Coffee shop, Desserts in restaurant, Snack bar and a Bottle of water. You’ll never go thirsty or hungry.
My Biggest "Foodie" Fiasco
One evening, I went to the A la carte in restaurant and had a soup so good I almost cried. Then, my waiter offered me salad as a starter, and I was very happy. I also ordered a dessert that was so rich, I'm pretty sure I'm still digesting it. Seriously, I'm pretty sure the food at this place is the most important thing about this place.
Services & Conveniences: They Think of Everything (Mostly)
The Good: They've got nearly every Service and convenience imaginable, from a concierge to dry cleaning to luggage storage. The Concierge was helpful though they kept calling me "Madame." I'm not a Madame! I'm me!
The Quirks: They offer Cash withdrawal but make sure you have cash because I struggled with the Cashless payment service on a couple of occasions. They have "facilities for disabled guests", but as I said they are not perfect. They have a convenience store, which is great for those late-night chocolate cravings. Sadly I did not find one.
For the Kids: Family-Friendly (But Maybe Not Perfectly)
They're "Family/child friendly," with babysitting service and Kids meal options. Didn't personally test the Kids facilities, but saw plenty of happy (and, let's be honest, slightly chaotic) families.
Room Rundown: Pretty, but Imperfectly Prepared
My room? "Available in all rooms:" included Air conditioning, Alarm clock, and Bathrobes. There were also Bathrobes, Bathrobes, and… did I mention Bathrobes? They were comfy. The Blackout curtains were a lifesaver. But…
- The Coffee/tea maker was a bit of a joke. It was one of those ancient ones that spewed more water than actual coffee.
- The Complimentary tea was anything but complimentary. It was some weird, herbal concoction that tasted vaguely of disappointment.
- The Slippers were heaven, though.
- The Soundproofing wasn't great. I could hear my neighbor's On-demand movies (mostly action films, judging from the explosions).
- I did love the Reading light.
- There was a Refrigerator, which was great.
- And I did have a window that opens.
Okay, so the Room sanitization opt-out available is supposed to improve cleanliness and safety. But they may have been so thorough at cleaning that some of my personal items disappeared!
Getting Around: Airport Transfer, Car Parking, and My Existential Crisis
They offer Airport transfer (thank goodness!), Car park [free of charge] (a bonus!), and even a Car power charging station (for the eco-conscious). But Monplaisant is small. And charming. But also, kinda isolated. You’ll need a car. Or a taxi. Or a really, really comfortable pair of walking shoes. Which I don't have…
The Verdict: Paradise-Adjacent
So, would I "Escape to Paradise" again? That's a tough one. It's a gorgeous property with amazing amenities. But the Wi-Fi woes, the slightly uneven accessibility, and the occasional service quirkiness keep it from being true paradise.
My advice? Go. But go prepared. Bring your own industrial-strength Wi-Fi booster, maybe some earplugs, and a healthy dose of optimism. And, for the love of all that is holy, wear sensible shoes. You might not find perfect paradise, but you'll definitely have a memorable adventure. Just don't forget the hand sanitizer!
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- Title: Escape to Paradise: My (Unfiltered) Review of a Monplaisant Dream!
- Meta Description: A brutally honest
Alright, buckle up, buttercups. This ain't your meticulously planned, sterile itinerary. This is a vibe. We're going to Monplaisant. France. Cosy holiday home. Pool. Got it? Let's see where this glorious mess takes us…
The Monplaisant Mayhem: A Week of Sun, Swims, and Slightly Scarred Memories
Day 1: Arrival (and the Great French Fridge Crisis)
- Time: Arrive, try and make it on time.
- Location: CDG(don't even mention it), the rental car from hell (probably bruised, maybe even a bit more than bruised)…to Monplaisant!
- Mode of Transport: Aeroplane, pray for no vomiting kids, rental car (Pray for automatic).
- The Mess: Okay, first impressions. Holy jeezus, is this place cute! Stone walls, bougainvillea practically erupting with colour everywhere… The pool looks like a giant, shimmering turquoise invitation. Then we hit the kitchen. Empty. Utterly, heartbreakingly, deserted. I mean, a bottle of water? MAYBE. A crusty croissant? Dream on. The fridge is basically a hollow echo of what could be… panic sets in, will we starve?
- Observation: The French seem to have a different approach to food storage. Like, "We'll get to it when we get to it." Fine. We'll play their game… eventually.
- The Search: A supermarket raid. My French, after years of Duolingo, is hovering somewhere between "ordering a beer" and "apologizing for accidentally setting the bread on fire." It'll have to do. We stumble through the aisles, bewildered by the sheer variety of cheese. Cheese, cheese, glorious cheese! We get a baguette. And some wine. Success!
- Anecdote: While unloading the car I lost my keys, what a start!
- Emotional Reaction: Relief. Pure, unadulterated relief. We're alive! We've got cheese! And wine! Everything is possible!
Day 2: Pool Day + Pain Au Chocolat Pilgrimage (and the Unexpected Duck Invasion)
- Time: Morning to Late Afternoon.
- Location: The pool, the local boulangerie.
- Mode of Transport: Feet, and a lot of them.
- The Mess: Breakfast. Pain au chocolat. I swear, these things are practically engineered to make you believe in heaven. The pool? Oh, the pool. We are doing as little as possible.. Floating, reading (badly), and, yes, gossiping. This is what holidays are for.
- Observation: French pools are somehow… more elegant? Even the blow-up flamingo looks sophisticated.
- Anecdote: I'd gotten a little complacent, when I almost fell into the pool after getting lost, good job I did not!
- The Duck Incident: Suddenly, a battalion of ducks waddles into the garden. I mean, dozens of them. They're judging us, I swear. One of them keeps staring at me. I think he wants my pain au chocolat. I swear the duck invasion was not invited, I love ducks!
- Emotional Reaction: Mild panic (the ducks!), followed by utter, blissful contentment. This is what life is supposed to be.
Day 3: Village Exploration (and the Great Lavender Field Debacle)
- Time: Morning to early afternoon.
- Location: The little village, the cafe, sigh the lavender fields.
- Mode of Transport: The Rental Car.
- The Mess: We set off to find the local village. Picture postcard stuff. Cobblestone streets. Tiny shops overflowing with curiosities. I buy a ridiculously oversized sunhat. I'm pretty sure I look like a mushroom.
- Observation: French village cafes are the best. Strong coffee, weak French, and the general feeling that nobody's in a rush. Perfect.
- Anecdote: We got completely and utterly lost trying to find a specific lavender field that had been Instagrammed to death. Endless, winding roads, fields that look suspiciously un-lavender… We ended up in a field somewhere. Somewhere… with a bunch of bees. I'm not over it.
- Emotional Reaction: Pure, unadulterated frustration (at the GPS, myself, the bees). Followed by the defiant purchase of a lavender sachet, I’m now not sure why I bought this.
Day 4: Day Trip to Somewhere (And the Accidental Wine Tasting)
- Time: The day.
- Location: Somewhere else. Chateau, wineries, probably.
- Mode of Transport: Rental Car, again. Pray for the sat nav.
- The Mess: We were going to go to a certain place. However, we followed a sign for "vino" and ended up at a winery with the most incredibly helpful, welcoming staff. We may have bought a bottle or two, the day was a lot of fun.
- Observation: My French improved when I have to speak it.
- Anecdote: We drove past a field of sunflowers. We couldn't resist. We probably looked like complete fools, cavorting amongst the sunflowers. I don't care. It was magical.
- Emotional Reaction: Overwhelmed with joy and a slight buzz ;)
Day 5: The Pool, Round Two (and the Great Book-Reading Challenge)
- Time: A big old chunk of the day.
- Location: The pool.
- Mode of Transport: My legs.
- The Mess: We are going to read that book we brought, but now we are just people watching.
- Observation: It's amazing how little you actually need to do on a holiday.
- Anecdote: I almost dropped my book i the pool in the process and had to dive in to rescue it.
- Emotional Reaction: Calm bliss.
Day 6: Market Day (and the Unexpected Cheese Addiction)
- Time: Morning
- Location: Local market
- Mode of Transport: Car.
- The Mess: Explore the local markets. Fresh goods, smell the cheese.
- Observation: French markets are full of things you need, you don't have just one or two.
- Anecdote: The cheese. Oh the cheese. I have a new one, I'm not sure which name I heard or even remembered but the smell is enough!
- Emotional Reaction: I have no idea how I will ever live without this cheese again.
Day 7: Departure (and the Tearful Goodbye to the Pain Au Chocolat)
- Time: Morning.
- Location: The holiday home, the airport.
- Mode of Transport: The Rental Car, the aeroplane.
- The Mess: Pack. Say a tearful goodbye to the pool. Curse the fact that the airport is so far away. Promise myself I will return. Soon.
- Observation: You can't take the French sunshine with you, but you can take the memories. And the cheese. (If you can get it through customs.)
- Anecdote: I'm pretty sure I left a sock in the rental car. Typical.
- Emotional Reaction: Sadness. Joy. Hunger for pain au chocolat. The usual.
And there you have it. Monplaisant. France. Cosy holiday home. Pool. A week of glorious, messy, imperfect, and utterly human holidaying. Go! Live! Be happy! (And maybe learn some basic French before you go.)
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Okay, so... "Escape to Paradise" sounds *amazing*. What's the catch? Seriously. Spill the beans.
Alright, alright, let's be real. Paradise *usually* comes with a teeny, tiny asterisk. First off, Monplaisant is... well, it's in France. Which means you'll be battling the French bureaucracy. Seriously, paperwork is their national sport. I spent a week trying to get a SIM card once. A WEEK. Then, there's the pool. It's glorious, but... sometimes a rogue frog decides it's a jacuzzi day. And the internet? Glorious WHEN it works. Think of it as a digital detox, if the downloads take a while. Oh, and the boulangerie? You *will* gain weight. Not a catch, just a very delightful consequence. Honestly, the "catch" is probably leaving.
Tell me about this pool. Is it as dreamy as it looks in the photos? Because I've learned to be skeptical of those "perfect" pictures...
Listen, those photos? They're gorgeous. But here's the truth. I've been there. And yes, it *is* dreamy. Forget the sterile hotel pools. This is private, sun-drenched bliss. You know that feeling when you step into water that's *just* the right temperature, and the world melts away? THAT. That's what the pool is like. Except for that one time, the filter decided it needed to "rest" during a heatwave, and we had a bit of a green situation. Ugh, the smell! Thankfully, it was a temporary hiccup. Otherwise? Divine. My kids spent HOURS in there. Me? I spent HOURS with a glass of rosé, reading. Pure heaven (mostly).
Can you explain a bit about the location, Monplaisant? What's the vibe? Is it actually "escapist"?
"Escapist" is an understatement. Monplaisant is like stepping into a postcard. Picture this : rolling hills, vineyards stretching as far as the eye can see, stone houses with red-tiled roofs... it's postcard perfect. It’s charming, quiet, and ridiculously peaceful. You can walk to the local market - the smell of fresh bread and cheese will haunt your dreams (in a good way). The vibe? Slow. Relaxed. Forget the frantic pace of... well, anywhere else. You adjust quickly. I found myself actually *breathing* again. It's a place where you can lose yourself in the beauty, forget your crazy deadlines, and just... be.
Okay, okay, I'm intrigued. What about the house itself? Is it equipped for a family with kids?
Let's talk about the house. It’s comfortable – not sterile or hotel-y. It has a proper kitchen – I cooked family dinners, just like home (minus the mountain of dishes). It's got a lovely blend of old and new. The bedrooms are spacious, clean… and the beds… oh, the beds! I could have slept the entire trip. And yes, it's *perfect* for a family with kids. They have toys, there's outdoor space to run around, and the pool (again, the pool!) is safe and fun. My youngest dropped her favourite toy in the pool the first day! (We retrieved it, thankfully... she'd have been devastated). They even had a high chair. It’s about a home feeling and not a sterile house. That's the feeling.
What's the best way to get around in Monplaisant? Do you need a car?
Yes. You absolutely need a car. Unless you enjoy being stranded. Monplaisant is in the countryside. There aren’t Ubers roaming the narrow streets. You'll want to explore the surrounding villages, the vineyards, the markets... a car is essential. Plus, the freedom! Stop at any vineyard you like, pack a picnic, drive down a sun-drenched road with the windows down... it's pure magic. I’d recommend an auto to save you some frustration with the winding roads. Don't be like me and get nervous in that first hour of driving. You get used to the roads fast, I promise.
Food! I need to know about the food! What are the best restaurants/markets/experiences?
Oh. My. GOD. The food. Okay, deep breaths. First, the markets. They're an experience in themselves. The smells, the colours, the chatter... You'll want to graze all day long. Buy cheese, bread, olives, local fruit. Then, the restaurants! There are little bistros serving the freshest, most incredible food. Don't overthink it. Just pick a place, sit down, and order. The house wine will change your life. I particularly remember this tiny place down the road with outdoor seating. It was perfection. (I can’t remember the name because, you know, wine. ) Seriously, I could write an entire novel on the food alone. Don't even get me started on the desserts. Just… go. Eat. Be happy. It's that simple.
Are there any downsides to this whole "dream pool home" situation that you haven't already mentioned (besides the bureaucratic SIM card situation)?
Okay, okay, besides the potential for frog-infested water, and the endless temptation of croissants? Well, there’s the potential for extreme relaxation. You might find yourself incapable of doing *anything* productive. Seriously. I came back with a tan, a slightly expanded waistline, and a severe case of "I don't want to go back to my real life." That’s a downside, right? Also, be prepared to fall in love with the place and consider selling all your belongings to live out there. It’s a real possibility. Don't say I didn't warn you.
What’s the worst thing that happened during your stay? Be honest.
The WORST thing? Ugh. Okay, here it is. We had a day trip planned – this amazing wine tasting at a château a ways away. We packed a picnic, we were all ready to go. And just as we were loading the car, my youngest, bless her heart, managed to… well, she had an "accident." A *major* accident. Right on the *only* nice white outfit I'd brought. Tears. Screaming. Chaos. We had to abort the mission, go back to the house, and spend the day bleaching the laundry. We salvaged the day with pizza and movies, but… the wine tasting remains a regret. It was a moment of pure, unadulterated parenting failure. But hey, even paradise has its moments, right? And the château will still be there – waiting for the next time.
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